Realm of Chaos

It's been too long. Dx Though, there wasn't really much to post at the time. .

Then again, I have update on what happened so far. o_o So much, so much. . .

First, my friendship with Patty has been thrown out the window and I guess it's pretty much permanent. It was time? I don't know really, things like this always happen when I'm in a relationship. I always hear others tell me I'm hanging out with my partner more than them. Thing is I haven't been hanging out with anyone since the summer of 2007? (Yeah, I went into hermit-mode that summer. lol) Now when I start a relationship, everyone notices and goes, "FERNY COME HANG OUT WITH ME!" It's not that I'll say no or I prefer my partner over them, I just don't want to hear the excuse of it being that I'm with my partner 24/7, which I'm not. Sheesh. (You would think that they would know me enough that I'm just lazy, but still keep my 'appointments.' xD)

Overall, the day I got Patty's email, I was pretty torn (and considering today is her birthday.) She and I have our misunderstanding or just can't understand each other at all at times. I'm just tired of chasing after people and apologizing. If it's what she wants, it's what she wants. I can't argue anymore. Haha. .

Oh! I finally made it through a semester without Cs! I feel proud for that. XD Hopefully, it stays that way for one more semester. *rolls*

As for handmaking stuffs and the such, I did make an Etsy account and I haven't at all managed making anything, which is sad. Although I did get some old vintage things up for sale. I hope to be sending them out once I get a buyer. Meh. x_x

Well, as far as summer break goes, I haven't done much, really. I've hung out with a couple friends here and there and staying up long nights playing Audition and watching TV. Maybe I'll manage to ride a train around the state or something--at least once, since I haven't ridden one before. XD Also, next month the fireflies around here should manage to come out. I'm read to catch'em like pokemon! Hehe~

Anyway, time to get ready for today, since I'm not sure what I'll be doing but then that's the best part. Ahaha~ I hope you're all well. ^^

Well, I should be in bed right about now, but I got up and I know I need to post this before I forget everything. o_o

Ever since last summer, I've been thinking and thinking about running my own little business of selling up to plastic jewelry to drawings to handmade key chains. I guess it's due to making such things for my friends that I want to make some kind of profit out of it. I want to work, darn it. xD

Anyway, for the passed week, I've been thinking for days of what to make and where to show my creations off. I plan to make a site (once I get my first main one shut down. ><) I plan to name it, Rosado&Orenji. After seeing how Jon has been sewing lately, he has inspired me to get down to work. To be honest, I'm not even sure how all this work out, but I know I'll manage in some odd way. It's just going to take time. Haa. xx

The reason I chose this title for the website and product line is because of Jon's favorite colors. Pink (rosado) and orange (orenji), along with the fact that I'm taking Elementary Japanese this semester. I've decided to use three languages in one title. x3 As silly the reason, I managed to go through enough names to pick this one out of the list. o.o

On other news, as far as classes go. Meh. I'm surprised how far I've gotten and I hope to keep going until the semester ends. I love Japanese class, even though it's a little hard. I'm managing fairly well. Hehe. x3 I just can't wait 'til next semester, I'll be back in Graphic Design classes. Sheesh. o_o

I hope everyone is doing well. Don't work too hard. Dx

Really. xD

Happy (belated) New Year! I hope everyone is doing well so far this year~ I need to remind myself to come back here more often. *nods* T_T

Whats new..hmm..

Classes have started and I feel pretty overwhelmed, but I'll get through it all like always. Ahaha~ My sibling-arguments tend to keep going on and on. Other times, it's not so bad when I'm not misunderstood, I guess. Finally, I'm happy~ oh so happy~ I love it. @___@

I apologize for not writing more, but I'm getting tired seeing as how I picked this lovely hour to decide to write. Hehe.. 2.40 a.m. Joy. I promise to write more in my next entry. That is if life doesn't eat me whole. x___x

I hope everyone is doing well. DX

To judge! Don't, though. xD I'm one to talk, but I'm not referring to people. I'm talking about to new things. Lately, I've been trying to open more into all kinds of music. I'm still not interested and continue to try my hardest to stay away from mainstream music. (Especially..those evil catchy ones. *shivers* xX)

SO! I've come with a couple songs. Maybe more... because! ..It's my vox~ Ahaha~ DX (Notice how I'm drifting from Asian-related music for a moment. xDD)

I remember for a long time now--Since the day my dad played Disco/Funk and Rock 'n' Roll/Pop throughout the entire apartment when I was younger--I was meant to fall in love with music from the sixties, seventies, and eighties! XD I'm quite a huge fan with underground and unknown artists/bands. Especially ones that haven't made a mark in the US just yet. x3

One 70's-80's duet that I've fallen in love with, thanks to Velvet Eden who was partically inspired by them, is Strawberry Switchblade. They were pretty big in Europe and Japan due to their song, "Since Yesterday". I love how they dressed. o__O *complete sucker of older fashions too* _._

... *dances* o.o

Anyway, they did a pretty good amount of concerts and made a decent amount of songs. Personally, they're were and still are an awesome duet. Hyuu hyuu~

Next, the never-dying Fleetwood Mac! DX (To think I knew a good number of their songs from when I was younger and I didn't know who they were..) A wonderful pop-rock band from the 70's-80's~ I believe one song which is well-known by them, in my opinion, is "Little Lies". Also, I was led to this band due to Stevie Nicks. Who happens to be one of the vocalists of this band. (I like her solo works a little more. Shh. o__o)

In addition, a not so-so-old band, but they have been known since the mid-90's. Rammstein! They're a German industrial-metal band. Now, I'm not much of a metal fan. Usually, I find myself around rock, rock-like ballads, and/or pop-rock, but after listening to previous songs sent to me from Sempai. I've fallen in love with "Stirb Nicht Vor Mir" (Don't Die Before I Do.) The way they approached and performed this song was just beyond lovely. @@

Finally! The most recent asian-related artist I found myself falling for is none other than, Eri Nobuchika! I can't stop replaying her songs since October all thanks to Usagi-sama. xD She's probably one artist that isn't too big on the charts of Japan, but her voice is lovely. The songs I enjoy listening to the most are "Voice" and "Lights". I love the charisma. x3

Well, I hope you like some of these. o__o You don't have to even like any of them either. xP

Thus, I leave~ I hope you're all having a wonderful winter! XD

Well, I managed to catch the end of the PHHS Coffee House at my high school the night before with Jon. Since everything was ending, I guess we didn't have to pay? We did manage to eat a few sweets that were left out on the food table. XD

Too bad, I was interested in reading a few of my  poems out loud, but I'm sure one day I will! As for now, I'll just post a few on here instead; considering how I haven't posted much poetry in my vox for a while now. *nods*

Your Skin
A scent so lovely
I've been captured

Like a crab in a fishnet
Clawing at the lines

Hypnotized by your love
Your love

Crawling over my body
I can't help but overflow with heat

Your skin against mine
So lovely

Hold my hands
Some more

Stain
My heart currently
has a mangled mix

Of colors
Numerous colors

Each containing
A fragile memory

A new
Stain stands out profoundly

On the surface
A lovely and painful color

Left behind
With no sense of existance

It is your mark
A stain which I can not remove

Your color
A stain will not leave

Yet, after bleach
Has been poured--

What a fragile
Promise

The Tower & the World
I stand ever so
Calmly

Reaching for the lovely
Clouds and the Sun, himself

You look at me
With security

With trust
With a strong sense of dignity

As I fall
Falling from the strike of lighting

My strength
My inner spirit is now breaking

Can you still look
Upon me with such confidence?

I have damaged you
Along with countless loves

You are my double star
My Gemini

My hands
Have lost their grip

I can't hold on
I'm falling apart before you

Will you still look upon me
With pride?

For I am your falling Tower
My own collapsing World

(All poems here belong to me.)

Now, off to bed. x.x I hope everyone's doing well. xD

I think the one fear I have is becoming completely apathetic to everything, but you know, I think I'm happy just being apathetic towards people who try to make feel bad, angry, or overall negative.

Sure, I'm not the best person out here. I'm called selfish, heartless, and vain. Inconsiderate, loud, and irritating.

In the end, I know who I really am and others' opinions are just opinions and can never change who I am becoming. I just hope that I don't forget this. XD

It only amazes me when I hear negative things come out of people's mouths. I find it ridiculously pathetic, but eh that's how it is, I guess. @@ /rant.

Anyways, the end of the semester.. DX I feel like I'm ready to just not do anything, but I have to keep pushing. Yay for sour gummy worms, swedish fish, and rock candy. xD

Oh as for my drawing 2 final. I have to draw a self-portrait that completely represents in myself. I'm so making it surrealistic. It's my favorite subject when it comes to art. It should be fun. x3

I can't wait for winter vacation, though. It should be fun~ I'm making cards, stuffing boxes, and making gifts. Giving is fun, I tell you~

Well, I hope everyone's doing well. xD

Every time I find myself hearing music, it ends up reminding me of Space in some strange way. (It's probably the techno/house music. XD) I find myself wanting to have some kind of spiritual connection to the Cosmos. Sure, I have astrology, but I feel like I want to be apart of it, too.

I'm. practically, in love with it's beauty. xx

I find this nebula, breath-taking. I'm just amazed how I fall in love with nature all over again. xD From plants to animals to stars. I can't help, but to feel so greatful in witnessing or being able to come across images of such things that I'll know I'll never see up-close.

What I'm determined to do some day in my life is to able to watch a meteor shower. I've missed a good one about two years ago, since the time wasn't really easy to find and the location I live in is full of lights. xx BUT ONE DAY! DX (No, not today, Jon. xP)

Now, the one thing that probably freaks me out about certain things in space is the amount of radiation that exists. xDD Other than that, I love the depth and large-ness of the Cosmos. It's endless. o_o

Yay for not being able to sleep, again! XD I hope everyone has or has had a nice day. x3

 

(Images found at QUASAR9's Blog; http://quasar9.blogspot.com/)

...is just a week away. DX *sobs*

I feel like everything is going to crash down on me when finals and projects are due. The horror. xx Anyway, this requires a long list of things to be noted. xD

Reminders (*For me)

• I want to send out cards to my vox neighbors!--That is if you allow me to. o_o
• Stuff both Sempai's & Usagi-sama's mailboxes
• Make Jon's winter present before christmas *stares at supplies*
• Prepare Ben's last birthday gift for next Sunday (One would think I would be over with this man. Heh. @@)

I guess that's about it. o_o

As for life goes, I'm satisfied and happy. xD I just wish some things didn't bother me so much, but I'll just try to look pass them. In the end, they don't really matter. *purges* Out with the bad!

Also, I have to try and make time for my sites, but I have the feeling that I'll be allowing them to cease from their current status. I might just end up making one complete one dedicated to my art, because I need to upload pictures of everything I've made with these hands! (Sempai, I have to pick at you with your site. I still want to host it, though. x3)

Well, I hope everyone's doing well. o-o

Now, I just read an entry which goes against Christians who choose pro-abortion. I agree that abortion is wrong in the sense of abusing it and such. Though, I'm sure there are reasons in performing such an action. *Note: My opinions. xx

The one thing that irritates me the most. Is that this topic was directed to Christians. (Personally, I'm not religious, but my mother is. I am more into prayer or positive actions out of my own choice and I know God accepts it. Heck, if he didn't he would've probably shot me down by now. xx) Anyway, the point being, why should religion be brought into a person's personal opinion on matters? Even if the person is Christian or anything along those lines.

Why can't the argument be directed to people who don't believe in such views and have them understand what abortion really does. Oh just because they aren't Christian the topic doesn't matter to others? Please! They could be informed on how the embryo that is growing is truely real and live or how there are better solutions then to kill off a living thing! OR BLAME THEM FOR NOT USING PROTECTION IN THE FIRST PLACE! Then again, what if the woman was raped? Too scared to get any help and then finds out she's pregnant. Yeah. So many reasons and possiblies of why women go for abortion.

The sad part is the female body could still be convinced it is still pregnant after such an action is taken. Personally, I believe one's body has a mind of it's own in a spiritual sense.

I just think religion shouldn't be brought in, even if it is being directed to those who are part of that belief. If one is to argue about such things. Argue it with everyone, not because a certain group of christians are pro-abortion.

Another topic, what's the whole big deal about virginity? About losing it or keeping it? Isn't it more of the choice of the person on whether he or she decides to keep it or lose it?

Losing or keeping your virginity does not change who you are in the end. What changes a person is influence and the environment he or she associates with. THAT CHANGES A PERSON.

All in all, reglion being brought into such topics is out of line in my point of view. I think there are better reasons than to use God as an example of why one shouldn't do certain things. xx

Yes. Since last Wednesday, I have finally drawn nude models for drawing class.

HOLY EFFING PISTACIOS!
(pistacios are yummy..)

Yeah. It felt akward, yet comfortable? How can such a thing be..? Anyway, let's just say looking at a man in the full nude was completely, "Whoa.." I couldn't stop adverting my eyes. I felt so wrong! DX Though, I got over it...in a way. O_o The female model didn't make such an effect. We all wonder why. XD

Let's see. I tried to bake, yet with class and laziness in the way~ I'll try once more sometime this afternoon if I'm not lazy. Bah. Must. Make. Goodies. *sobs*

What else, what else~

Ahh yes. I don't think I have ever felt so comfortable with a partner 'til now. I mean, in my previous relationships at first I do feel comfortable for a bit, but something always tends to happen or go wrong. Which is why I feel as if all I do is a burden people, even for things that don't really involve me, I guess. Or if I do something to a person that can make them think the wrong and negative idea. xx Meh, memories. xD

Well, I hope all are doing well. o-o